bedtime

if you're like me, anytime is bedtime. being in bed means i am safe. i don't have to deal with the issues and people around me and i definitely don't have to deal with BPD. i like to go completely under the covers so i cannot see anything around me. i am invisible and no one can see or hurt me. sometimes i go days without leaving my bed. nobody seems to notice. my body gets sore and after awhile i can't take it anymore. i need out and i get one of my "urges" to do something different. that will get me out of bed, but you better believe that i will be right back there soon enough. along with sleep comes "illness". i put illness in quotations because i don't believe i am actually sick. i think i make myself "sick" at times, in order to escape the world. i know that i use the sick card to answer any questions about my day to day life. a lot of the time i skip out on any events i may be invited to (there aren't many). saying "you're sick" is a good excuse these days because nobody wants to catch any kind of illness you may have. sometimes people will catch on and say "you're sick a lot.." and then i just want to say "f*ck off and mind your own business".