when you wear the mask, who are you?

99% of the time i am wearing the mask. i am fooling the people around me. i am parading around as someone i am not. and i think i do a pretty good job of it. the only time the mask comes off is in a rage when i start blurting out all my secret feelings. the only person who has witnessed a rage is my current boyfriend. only he knows the true me. and how do i feel about that? not good.

when i wear the mask, i want to be someone i'm not. i want everyone to like me. i want everyone to want to be my friend. i want to be having fun at all times. i want to look good. i want to be viewed as a person you want to be around.

when the mask comes off, i don't care. i don't care about anything or anyone. i don't care what i look like. i don't care if anyone likes me. i don't care what happens.

but in reality, i do care. i do care and i don't. i don't even know how to explain it. but this is how i feel. sometimes i feel it is easier not to care, to only have to worry about yourself. but how can you live like that?