the dreaded cellular phone

cell phones, texting, voicemail - i hate it all. there's nothing worse than calling someone and hearing the voicemail come on. if it goes straight to voicemail, you know the phone is probably turned off. then you start to think, why is it off? it's never off! and your mind starts racing and fabricating elaborate stories as to why this person's cell phone could possibly be turned off. if the phone rings multiple times and then goes to voicemail, the problem is usually worse. you know the phone is on and the person is not picking up for some reason. are they avoiding you? ignoring you? why do they not want to know what you want? do they not think it could be an emergency? my boyfriend likes not answering his cell phone a lot. "i didn't see your call", "i didn't get your text" are answers i frequently hear days later. i'm thinking what are you talking about! of course you did!! then the rage begins to build up. how did he not get my call or text when his phone barely ever leaves his sight?! whenever he is here, he is constantly texting, so how is it that he never got my text?! it just doesn't make any sense. my next question is why is he ignoring me? and then who is he talking to instead? i wonder, is this a BPD issue or just a jealousy/trust issue? the worst is when we have a fight, he leaves, i call his cell, and NO ANSWER. voicemail. i call again - voicemail. and again - voicemail. if you want to do one thing to put me into a rage, it's not answer your phone. this is when i tend to cross the line and become so enraged that i may break things, hysterically cry and yell, and leave horrible voicemail messages. did he really deserve this? at the time i always think that he does. usually by the next day i realize that i was probably out of line, so i will text him. but what happens? he doesn't respond. probably because now he is angry with me. and because he is not responding, i become enraged again and the cycle continues.