on the road

lets rewind back a couple years to life in my hometown. i had a few good years of good friends and good times. a couple of carefree years after the horrible teens. then it started to go downhill..maybe the party was just ending, but it seemed to come to a halt pretty quickly. people were moving on with their lives and it wasn't like i wasn't, but it seemed that everyone was moving on, away from me. close friends weren't so close anymore and i was becoming alone - the dreaded word for anyone with BPD. i still had a boyfriend - which i always did. they seemed to come one after another. i had never been without a boyfriend since i was 15 or so (probably on the basis that i didn't want to be alone). but the friends seemed to have gone. there were those friends that were more like "acquaintances" if anything..the ones you would see out and have a semi-phony conversation with to be polite. and if you saw them out drinking one night, they were your best friend again because well, they were drinking. but they were no one to rely on. after i had finished school and had no real reason to stay at home, i decided to move to a new city and take on a new adventure - a new life. i would make new friends, have new experiences, and be happy. well needless to say, that did not happen. i moved many miles away from home just to experience the same feelings that i felt at home.